


Open Mic Night at the Pink Moon

by WestSpiderKing0270



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Audio to Writing, Batteries, Battery Licking, Cronus lied, Fifty Shades of Grey, Gamzee is kind of strange, Multi, Pesterlog style, Real things that I have heard/seen/experienced, Shit, Shitty writting, Stand Up Comedy, Trolls do stand up, Will i ever be able to finish a book before starting something new?, Wtf Gamzee, audio fic, prob not, tags???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 01:16:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18173924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WestSpiderKing0270/pseuds/WestSpiderKing0270
Summary: Welcome to the comedy bar Pink Moon.Where trolls and humans do short stand up comedy acts for tips.





	1. Chapter 1

Kankri: *Taps mic a few times to see if it is working* Hello? Is this thing on?

Porrim: Yes dear it is o+n.

Kankri: Oh my. There really is quite a few of you here tonight. *Turns away from Mic and is now quieter* Cronus I really don’t want to do this.

Cronus: *from off stage to the side* Come on cheif. Please? You havwen’t evwen started yet.

Kankri: Very well. *Turns back to mic. Audio is clearer now.* Yesterday morning. My, dare I call him this, friend decided to be generous enough to lend me a *pause and a deep inhale* particular book. 

Kankri: *Turns away again* Do I really _have_ to do this Cronus. I would much rather not.

Cronus:*Still from back stage* Please cheif? Pleeeease? *A begging sort of whine*

Kankri: Fine. But you will owe me later. *Turns back to mic with a sigh*

Kankri: This particular book that he loaned me was a book by the title *Closes eyes and sighs* Fifty Shades of Grey.

Crowd: *A few hoots and clapping. Laughter*

Kankri: I am glad you all find that funny. I did not at the time. For even more context, my “Friend” *Draws out the word friend* had described the book as, and I am not joking here. *Pulls out his phone and opens it. Holding it out he reads from the text on the screen which is now being shown on the tv screens on either side of the stage*

Kankri: “Fifty Shades of Grey is a historical novel about the equality and fair rights to trolls of any and all blood color or age. It is a very compelling read and I think you will enjoy it very much.” *He quotes from the texts. All the messages are in grey text without trollian handles for privacy*

Crowd: *Cheering and hooting excitedly. Many clapping or laughing*

Kankri: *Pauses to allow the crowd to calm back down* It seems like the astute among you have realized what my friend had given me. I did not. So you can see the kind of issue I had on my hands.

Kankri: It gets better! When I had arrived Hive with the book, having not read it yet, who did I find but my moirail. The same moirail who knows my vows well. And is a diligent reader of *clears throat* explicit content. 

Crowd: *Laughs and claps* 

Kankri: So you can imagine my confusion when she gives me a strange look and quickly excuses herself so I can have my “Reading session.”

Kankri: *smiling lightly. A light red flush on his cheeks* Thank you and good day! *Sets mic on stand and leaves off stage*


	2. Battery

Sollux: *Holding mic and walking around on the stage.* Have any of you guyth ever licked a battery? Anyone?

Crowd: *A few cheers and claps*

Sollux: Cauthe I theriouthly (Seriously)think it thould be a real punithment. Like for criminalth and thhit. 

Sollux: Licking a battery for the firtht time ith like getting dunked in freezing cold water then being put in burning hot water. Everything burnth. All of it. Everything.

Sollux: Tho you can imagine my thurprithe (surprise) when my betht friend of like my whole life. Taketh a battery, and thtickth it to hith tongue, For Fun!

Crowd: *Cheers and laughing*

Sollux: He doethnt even flinch! Jutht thitth(Sits) there with a fucking battery on hith tongue. I probably had a look of pure thhock on my face cauthe he taketh the battery out and athkth me what’th wrong.

Sollux: You jutht thtuck a damn battery on your tongue! Thatth whatth wrong! That thhit ithnt natural!

Sollux: He jutht kinda thruggth and putth the fucking battery back! Back in hith mouth! He hath the whole fucking battery in hith freaky mouth jutht thiting there! No outward reaction to it at all. It wath by far the thtrangetht thing that hath ever happened to me in my life.


End file.
